A big fat massive negative

As the title suggests, we are very much not pregnant.

It's like a massive blow to the core of so much that we wished for.

Third attempt, third disappointment, I think we can safely say that this might be it for us with surrogacy and surrogacy dreams for a while. I'm sure it's so easy for people to say 'don't give up' or 'those who don't try fail' but so much time, energy. emotion and financial resources have gone into this it starts to impact dramatically and negatively on your relationship with the person you love the most. You spend your time dreaming rather than living, pull all your financial resources into what you wish for rather than living life to the full with each other, you fill your days with anxiety rather than freedom and you spend 90% of your life in misery looking for a glint of joy.

That joy is not meant to be for us at this point in time, and we have put life on hold for nothing so it seems...

Exhausted, disappointed, empty and nothing anyone can do or say will change that. What will be will be and so it seems what we want will not or cannot be ours at this point in time.

Time to start living life a while rather than questioning what it will not give us.

Photos of dogs as have nothing else to write and am bored whilst anxiously waiting....

The 2WW (which isn't really a 2WW) is starting to play more on my mind now. I've been lucky to have been busy with work and traveling, but now I'm back working from home, I can feel the insanity starting to brew in anticipation of this Sunday's test results...

The 2WW has absolutely flown by, but I have a feeling that the next few days will make up for it as I can feel the day's getting gradually longer with Saturday no doubt feeling like a week!!!

In the mean time, I feel it rude of me not to introduce our other babies, Fogg and Fergus our dogs! They missed me loads when I was away I am guessing as they are practically stuck to me like velcro. If only they knew the sleepless nights that not just us but they will be in for when all goes to plan, they're moody little men at the best of times and I'm sure they'll make their displeasure known!!! :)

They absolutely hate waring any form of clothing, so I'm sure they'll appreciate someone else being dressed up and not them!!!

5 more days of waiting.....

Just under 2WW :)

Well, we had great news that 12 of the embryo's all excellent quality were cultured to the blastocyst stage! this was wonderful news....we transferred 3 top quality blasts on friday 1st October and had 6 good quality ones left for freezing! We are now in the 2WW, well it's not officially 2ww its about 10 days as the embryos are older....role on next sunday! Please stick and lots of baby dust our way! Your very wanted little ones :) How cute are they already??